Are you suitable for marriage? How to choose a good husband?

Someone asked: What does marriage give women?

Deprived of freedom, occupied time, lost body, exhausted youth, became a guest in her mother's family and an outsider in her husband's family.

A mother who took care of her children at home was so tired that she died suddenly. When the husband learned that his wife had died, his relatives told him.

Another mother, who had just given birth to her second child and was in confinement, died of "sudden cardiac arrest for 30 minutes". Previously, the husband who drank outside had never faced her for help because of "heart distress".

How many women were forced by their parents in law and husbands to have a second child and were driven to labor.

How many women live and die on the stage, but her husband never shows up.

The same maternal jumping event has made many people cold hearted about marriage.

How many women are not valued and seen in widowed marriages, and have no right to choose and decide on childbirth and caesarean section

Being cheated, being a mistress, conflict between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, domestic violence Asexual marriage ... These words are also increasingly appearing in the news, and more and more women are no longer willing to marry.

Chinese morbid marriage is full of all kinds of morbid people. High quality marriage has become the most expensive luxury.

I can't help asking myself, what is the purpose of marriage?

Do you also hesitate and shrink back? Be like an enemy to marriage? Is marriage really that terrible?

But there is no denying that many women have lived a wonderful life in marriage and have been happy, including stars blessed by stars, such as Lin Yichen, Chen Yanxi, Yuan Yongyi, Jia Jingwen, Yi Nengjing, Yao Chen... They use their sweetness and happiness to inspire girls who are afraid and hesitating.

　　 Teacher Li Jianxue, marriage psychology expert It is pointed out that happiness does not knock on the door itself, but needs to be created and fought for by oneself. For some people, marriage gives her a warm and happy home, a sweet and happy life. But for others, she may feel that marriage is like a cage that binds her to death, bringing her disaster and suffering.

Why is there such a gap?

You know, not everyone is suitable for marriage.

How to judge whether you are suitable for marriage?

First, understand the nature of marriage.

Marriage is when two adults decide to live together and share life, nothing else. Don't beautify it, and don't uglify it.

Therefore, marriage must be a matter of two adults, not adults in the legal sense, but adults in the psychological level. Psychological maturity varies from person to person. It is no exaggeration that some people are still a mother treasure and giant baby at the age of 30. The tragedy of many Chinese marriages is that two children live at home, not two adults.

　　 Teacher Li Jianxue pointed out that if you are a mature, stable and healthy person, love yourself, have the ability to love others, and respect your inner feelings, you don't need to care about what others say, dare to stick to your own choice, and you can enjoy the sweetness of marriage by marrying anyone.

However, if you look around carefully, how many can really meet the above conditions? Just ask, are you such a person? Is your partner mentally mature and responsible?

Second, ask yourself a few questions.

1. Can you allow your personality to be limited?

Marriage is never an addition, it is a fusion, which determines that in many things, people who recognize this interpersonal relationship must make compromises. Any successful interpersonal relationship is the result of compromise, and marriage is no exception.

2. What do you want from marriage?

Some people want to rely on the blessing of a marriage relationship to get a more decent material life, while others want to get a sense of security and eliminate loneliness. Either the former or the latter is a misunderstanding of marriage. No matter money or warmth, marriage can never be achieved for you forever.

Only you or your blood related parents can solve your financial freedom. Marriage is very intimate, but when it collapses, it will be more thorough than you think. It's cruel, but the truth.

To get a sense of security, even your parents can't give it. You can only rely on yourself and constantly grow up. If necessary, you need to seek professional psychological counseling.

3. What can you give?

Don't think that marriage is an end. Everything is all right after marriage. In fact, it is just the beginning of a new interpersonal relationship. The necessary skills include accepting the possibility of all auras breaking; Know how to deal with trivial matters; Learn to be patient. Understand that it is not because of the closeness of the relationship that the emotion must be synchronized. When you are happy, the other person may be sad. When you don't want to speak, the other person is excited. Learn to accept and deal with the dislocation of the normal emotional gears.

Finally, understand the essence of marriage.

The essence of marriage needs to be emphasized and understood again and again: two adults decide to live together and share life. This means that you should respect the other person and not try to change the other person into what you think he is, what he is like after marriage, and not imagine that he will change into what you think after marriage. Even if he occasionally improves, in the end you will find that he will return to his original form.

You can reselect the next MR Right, of course, if you want, you can also change yourself to accept those parts that you don't like, but you need to evaluate which costs are lower and which ones you feel are better. If you really don't want to embarrass yourself, don't get entangled in staying or giving up. It's the wisest choice to give up completely. Even if you have 10000 people who don't want to give up, don't expect everyone to be friends if they can't be lovers. It's better for both parties to be strangers.