Every quarrel is a critical moment for a couple, because it will affect the direction of their relationship. It is inevitable that couples will quarrel. Some couples argue until they lose, and finally break up with gnashing teeth. Others break in and understand each other in the quarrel, and see each other's love, which makes the emotional index rise straightly.
1、 He turned and left after a quarrel
That day, because of a small matter, women and men quarreled again. In the end, the man left as usual.
A woman is like a deflated ball sitting on the cold floor. A woman is aloof. She thinks that every time she quarrels, a man walks away, which is a silent protest against her and a disregard for her personality. Since there is no love and respect, what's the use of such a marriage? She decided to end up with a man tomorrow.
When the idea of divorce flashed by, the woman's heart suddenly filled with an unspeakable despair. She had never expected that marriage would come to this stage. The promise of love is still in the ear, but all sweetness will become the past. The woman felt that there was a kind of boundless loneliness, which was attacking her with sadness. Finally, she could not help sobbing loudly.
At this time, the key clanked outside the door. The man pushed the door and walked in. He went straight to the woman, squatted down and carried her to the sofa. The woman struggled to express her silent protest.
"You are a bit abnormal today," said the man, staring into the woman's eyes. The woman was stunned. Did he guess his mind?
The man said to himself, "In fact, every time I go out, I stand outside the door. I just want to calm down and reduce the damage to each other. You know, hard words will only make things worse."
The woman stopped crying and looked straight at the man. There is a light sadness flowing in the man's eyes. He said: "Every time I quarrel with you, I feel helpless. There will always be some friction when two people live together, which can not be avoided by any husband and wife. I don't want to make more trouble between two people, so I choose to retreat in time. It turns out that every time I walk away, you can quickly restore calm. So, as long as I hear your footsteps in the room again, I know the storm has passed. " The man's eyes lit up when he said this.
He stopped to touch the woman's hair lovingly and continued: "But today, the house was extremely quiet. I was in a state of confusion outside the door, and then I heard your desperate cry. Sorry, I shouldn't make you angry, but what happened to you today? Why did you cry so bitterly?"
The woman lowered her head in embarrassment, with unspeakable guilt in her heart. In an ordinary quarrel, what a man wants is how to resolve conflicts, but what about her? Instead of lowering his head, he escalated the war to the denial of love and marriage.
At that moment, women realized that men chose to walk away again and again, not because they didn't love, not because they were angry, but because they loved.
2、 "I'm sorry, I will hurt you well in the future."
She quarreled with him. The reason for the quarrel was not worth mentioning. It was just an argument about who was going to cook. The argument soon rose to the level of quarrel, and she went back to her parents' home when she was angry.
When I walked into my house, my mother was making dumplings alone, while my father was sitting on the sofa, crossing his legs, and humming Peking Opera on TV. Before her parents spoke, she said with a black face, "Dad, is there someone like you? My mother is a person who rolls noodles and makes dumplings, so you won't help me?" She was angry when she thought of the lazy man at home, so she said something without thinking about it. She didn't even know that the right side was the father.
Father just smiles. Her mother called her into the kitchen and asked, "Why, are you making trouble again?" She whispered, "No." Her mother said, "Look at your face, it's all written on it!"
"Hum! I'm so angry. Why does he ask me to do housework while I am at work? After work, I will cook for him and buy rice and vegetables for him. That's all right. I should help him on weekends. Hey! He is addicted to watching TV, but he can't even pull it. He just waits for me to serve him." She said.
The mother smiled and said, "If he doesn't do it, you can do it. What's the point?" She said angrily, "I'm not as honest as you. My father watches TV and sings Peking Opera all day long, just waiting to eat, so you can cook such a laborious meal in the kitchen. If I were you, I would not do it, and I had to drag him to the kitchen!"
Mother smiled and said, "Although your father didn't cook, he did a lot of things. For example, I don't like to do errands such as paying water and electricity bills and running the bank. Your father did all these things. He didn't complain when he did these things. He likes listening to Beijing Opera rather than cooking, so I do it myself. Why do I have to drag him and annoy him?"
She bowed her head, and then her mother said, "Think of his goodness. Don't worry about every little thing. In fact, in my life, I have been with my parents for only 20 years, and with my children for more than 20 years. I have been with my lover for the longest time. So, In any case, we must hurt him well. If you hurt him, he will hurt you. If you think about him, he will think about you. These are mutual. "
Listening to his mother's garrulous words, he suddenly burst into her heart. She often lost her inspiration when writing. On summer evenings, he would take her for a drive in the wild, and even on snowy nights, he would accompany her out for a walk. When she was pregnant, she only said that she wanted to eat egg custard, but he could not do it. So she called her colleague and asked him to learn how to do it now. One bowl failed, and immediately went on to do the second bowl.
The more she thought about it, the more she could not sit still. She turned and walked out. Mother said, "Don't leave until you have eaten the dumplings!" She closed the door and said, "No, today is his birthday. I have to go back and make noodles for him."
When she got home, he pulled her into the kitchen as soon as she opened the door. The table was full of her favorite dishes: fried egg sauce, soybean sprouts, shredded cucumber, coriander, tomato sauce.
She shed tears and said, "I'm sorry, I will hurt you in the future."
He put his arm around her shoulder and whispered in her ear: "We are each other. It hurts."
In fact, the best day is nothing more than when you are making noise and he is smiling, so warm to live a life. In the face of "noisiness" between husband and wife, whether it is "noisiness" mischief or "noisiness" awkward, the other is to look at it with an inclusive attitude and loving eyes, and love will flow between each other, and only in this way can it last long and be harmonious.
When quarreling between husband and wife, pay attention to the following four points:
1、 Deal with the matter as it is, don't rake up old scores, don't hurt the innocent
A simple dispute sometimes spreads from him because of your random "fire": his parents didn't invite you to dinner last Mid Autumn Festival; His close friend who "wears open crotch pants" doesn't know who he is. He often comes to your house to cheat on food and drink... At the end of the quarrel, you leave behind a hurtful remark: "I really shouldn't marry you!"
British psychologists pointed out that you should never bring out a lot of old things in a quarrel. Don't attack the other party's family, friends, colleagues and boss, or the battlefield will expand indefinitely, and the problems you originally wanted to solve will be submerged in it.
Suggestion: 30 seconds before the war, ask yourself three questions: (1) What is it that makes you angry? (2) Is this a bad thing that needs to be settled through quarrels? (3) Can quarrel solve the problem? After answering these three questions, you will find that some things are not worth fighting about.
2、 Less accusation and blame, more goodwill understanding and peaceful communication
"Sugar coated bullets" are sometimes more powerful than real bullets, because men usually eat soft rather than hard. The highest level of the art of quarreling is that it neither points to his nose to make a roaring lion, nor does it mean to make three tough agreements with him, but "use soft to overcome hard".
Sandy plans to introduce her husband to her high school classmates when she attends a classmate party, but her husband is an hour late and just says hello to Sandy's classmates and leaves in a hurry. When the party ended, Sandy could not restrain her anger. She began to accuse her husband, "You are always so arrogant! Those are my sworn friends who I haven't seen in five years. How can you be so indifferent to others?"
Suggestion: In this case, instead of angrily accusing him of being too rude to your friends and being a hysterical accuser, it is better to calmly explain to him and lay a good foundation for further communication between you.
3、 Reflect on yourself more and blame the other party less
Many husbands and wives quarrel until the end, which develops into a "complaint meeting". You can't wait to take your heart out, but he misunderstands every sentence.
1. Say "I" instead of "you". "How can you treat me like this?" "You have an old habit again." Is this sentence pattern familiar? When we begin to use the "you" sentence to condemn each other, we have forced each other into a corner of self-defense. When the other party thinks you are judging in disorder, the first natural reaction is to defend yourself and then counter attack. When the defense system is established, communication stops immediately.
2. No cynicism. "If you don't take me out to play, I would also like to thank you for giving me freedom. However, the negative impact of this tactic is great, which will cause great harm to both parties, and it is likely to subtract a lot of points from the feelings at once.
3. Don't interrupt him. You think you know exactly what he wants to say, but that's not the case. If you refuse to listen, how can the other party pay attention to your ideas? Tell the other person your understanding to determine whether this is what he wants to express.
4、 Cold war, cold feelings
The Cold War is not very clever, but everyone likes to use it. After a quarrel, they do not answer the phone, deliberately "forget" the previous agreement, or move to their parents' house in anger.
The cold war has become a gamble. The gamble is patience. It depends on who chooses compromise first, but it is emotion that has cooled down.
Suggestion: Don't try to punish each other in various forms, because at the same time you are also punishing yourself. When you wander aimlessly in the street to anger each other, it is better to warm up your feelings after the quarrel with a more positive attitude. Go home and have a meal with him, and don't hesitate to answer the first call he made after your quarrel. Unless you never want to answer his phone, what's the difference between the first call and the fifth call?
