Companion magazine: What should I do if my addiction to mobile phones leads to marital war?

　　 Media: The 466th issue of Companion magazine in March 2018 P31 Marriage Consulting Room

Experts in this issue: Tan Suyi, senior psychological consultant of Guangzhou Heartball Psychological Counseling Center, national second-class psychological consultant.

　　 Zhihui Consulting:

Recently, my wife and I often quarrel because she has been playing with mobile phones. When I wake up in the morning, the first thing is to see if there is any new information and new information on my mobile phone. When I get home from work, I lie on the sofa and constantly swipe WeChat, Weibo, self portraits, online shopping and videos until one or two in the morning. I was very busy with my work. When I came home, I saw her lying on the sofa decadent and doing nothing at home, so I was inevitably angry. In fact, when she was in love, she loved to play with her mobile phone. She often sent me WeChat messages, sometimes even talked late at night. At that time, I thought she loved me very much and could not leave me. Only after getting married did I know that she could not do without her mobile phone!

Now every time I talk to her, she answers two sentences absentmindedly, and I can't talk at all. What's more depressing is that when WeChat rang during the couple's life, she immediately opened it and replied, leaving people speechless and feeling that she was not as important as the broken mobile phone! Now we often quarrel and have a cold war about mobile phones. How can she stop indulging in mobile phones?

　　 Answer by Tan Suyi:

At present, more and more people, like your wife, begin to live on their mobile phones. On the car, at the dinner table and at home, they always stare at their mobile phones and ignore their families. The atmosphere that could have been used to deepen feelings is suddenly destroyed by mobile phones.

When one party is immersed in the mobile phone and lives in its own virtual world, the interaction and communication with the partner are reduced, and the attention to the partner is reduced, some basic emotional needs of the partner, such as the need to be concerned, understood, supported, and accompanied, will not be met. In the long run, there will be dissatisfaction with needs and communication problems, and two people sharing a bed will become a different dream.

Marriage is a place where feelings are emphasized. No matter in what social environment, emotional communication is always the cornerstone of marriage. Without emotional links, the hearts of two people will go farther and farther. Because emotional needs cannot be met in marriage, many people will choose to talk about love, ambiguous chat and even extramarital affairs in the online world.

Addiction to mobile phones can easily lead to marital problems, but when there are problems in marriage, people are also likely to choose to indulge in mobile phones.

In many cases, cell phone addiction is just an appearance, reflecting many problems in family relations. For example, one party does not like to be close to his or her partner, and to avoid intimacy, he or she indulges in mobile phones, books, and work to reduce contact with his or her partner; The communication between husband and wife is obstructed. One party's emotion is suppressed and cannot be understood. They often quarrel and have a cold war, so they choose silence or escape; The couple's life is not harmonious, and they avoid sex life by indulging in mobile phones, sleeping late, etc.

In this case, you need to find the core problem, correct the relationship between two people, and rebuild a more relaxed and comfortable relationship that meets each other's needs. Otherwise, even if the wife is not addicted to mobile phones, she will also indulge in other things.