"Maybe we are really inappropriate. Break up!"
This familiar passage, novels and TV plays, can be seen frequently. In real life, countless lovers and couples who have been in love for years have become "the most familiar strangers" for various reasons. "We are not suitable" has become the reason for most people to leave.
Millie has been in love with her boyfriend Wei Jie for seven years. From the ignorant age of 17 to 24, Millie has experienced the hardship of college entrance examination, the busyness of college, and the confusion of entering the workplace. Fortunately, she is still around the TA. The attitude of parents has changed from firm opposition to positive encouragement, and friends and relatives are waiting for them to enter the marriage palace.
However, Millie and Weijie can't go on. Millie gradually discovers that Weijie has different views from her in many aspects.
When the anniversary comes, Millie hopes to travel with Weijie to relax, and she has made many strategies in advance. But Wei Jie thinks it is simple and convenient to buy a gift with his money and have a meal with him.
Millie is wronged at work and complains to Weijie, hoping to be comforted. As a result, Wei Jie is simply "perfunctory": everyone works like this when they come out to work. They are very hard and have suffered a lot of grievances. It's good to get used to it. This is like a basin of cold water, which makes Millie very depressed.
Not only does Millie feel unhappy with their relationship, but Weijie also slowly discovers the difference between himself and Millie. Millie's family is well off. She has always been the apple of her parents' eyes. She has everything she wants. She usually lives at home with little living expenses, but she has a lot of food, drink and play. Now she has worked for three or four years, she is still a moonlight clan. While Wei Jie was taught by his parents to know how to manage, allocate and use money rationally when he was young, plus working in the financial industry, Wei Jie has his own ideas on investment and financing. Wei Jie also tried to be tolerant of Millie of the Moonlight clan, but over time, the resentment grew deeper and deeper. The two began to quarrel and have a cold war. Finally, Wei Jie broke up.
Millie and Weijie are not rare around us. Many people find that even if they spend a long time together, it doesn't mean they are really suitable.
So how can we choose the person who suits and matches us in the vast crowd?
Four key points for matching evaluation
Each couple will consider whether the other is their own Mr. right from all aspects in the stage of ambiguity and love.
The marriage psychologist pointed out that in the relationship between marriage and love, what needs to be evaluated most is the matching of the two sides in four core aspects: original family, lifestyle, sex and interpersonal relationship.
These four aspects can give you an overview of a person's overall appearance, understand his past and present, evaluate your future relationship model, and make a basic judgment on whether it is appropriate to enter an intimate relationship.
The reason why the four aspects of original family, lifestyle, sex and interpersonal relationship are at the core of intimate relationship is that they can reflect a person's three perspectives and involve daily life in marriage and love. More importantly, these four aspects are often difficult to compromise in marriage and love.
Native family
Everyone's marriage mode will be more or less affected by the original family. You may want to know the other party's original family before talking about marriage.
Some people have a harmonious family atmosphere, and their relatives are close to each other. Large families gather to eat and chat together; Some people have a more introverted family atmosphere and express their love with more actions. When the original family is quite different, lovers and couples are easy to quarrel over communication, getting along and other issues.
When you are in love, you can try to observe the communication and relationship mode of the other party's parents. What is the relationship mode between the other party and their parents? For example, how does their family decide on family affairs? What is the basic atmosphere of the family? How is the family's major choice discussed? Wait, you can go and learn about it.
Of course, even if the original family of the other party is not perfect, there is no need to rush to deny it. In addition to understanding the objective situation of the other party's native family, you should also listen to how the other party views his native family, how to view their family model, etc. You can see his basic attitude and requirements for marriage and love, and it is not too late to decide at this time.
life style
No matter how strong and romantic feelings are, they will eventually be attributed to plain firewood, rice, salt, soy sauce, vinegar and tea.
Many people are in love. Beauty is in the eyes of their lovers, and everything is good for each other. But when the enthusiasm fades, the perfect filter disappears, and the real side comes out, many people begin to have conflicts because of the little things in life. For example, how to allocate housework, how to arrange the off work time, how to celebrate the anniversary, etc.
If you don't want your love to lose to the trivial things in life, you should first understand whether you can integrate in your lifestyle. First of all, you need to find out the character characteristics of the other party and discover whether you have the same language and hobbies. Secondly, learn how they make decisions when facing decisions, and how to deal with disagreements. After all, when two people live together in the future, they will always face the moment of making decisions together, and this matter is also the most likely to cause contradictions and differences.
Last but not least, understand how the other party allocates its income and consumption structure, and get a preliminary understanding of his money and consumption outlook. If you feel inappropriate, you should communicate in advance, rather than like Weijie, who buries dissatisfaction in his heart and eventually becomes one of the reasons for breaking up.
interpersonal relationship
In addition to daily life, we also need to understand how the other party handles interpersonal relationships. Here, interpersonal relationships mainly refer to relationships with the opposite sex.
Many women want their other half to be a warm man, gentle, considerate and considerate, so they can find a partner with this requirement. But they unexpectedly found a "central air conditioner", which is so warm to any opposite sex, making the original partner jealous every day.
There are also many men who want to find a cheerful, lively, outgoing and enthusiastic girl, but after getting along for some time, they find that their girlfriend is very friendly to the opposite sex around them, and they are only depressed.
How to avoid such a situation? In the early stage of love, observe how the other party handles the friendship with the opposite sex and how to understand the bottom line of getting along with the opposite sex. How to deal with disputes arising from this issue, and requirements for each other.
In addition, pay attention to the other party's type of friends and the way they get along with them. Can this largely reflect the other party's basic way of dealing with people, and conflict with your own views? Can you accept it?
nature
Chinese people are shy about talking about sex, but it is difficult for a marriage with disharmonious life to be stable and lasting. However, many people do not pay attention to this and keep their mouth shut about sex. However, sex is an important way for couples and lovers to communicate and increase intimacy.
When establishing an intimate relationship, two people should reach a basic agreement on sex and understand each other's attitudes towards sex. For example, whether you are willing to communicate on this issue, share your true feelings in the process, how both parties view sex in marriage and love, sex outside marriage and love, and how they hope to deal with sexual problems if encountered.
Many marriage problems are also caused by sex problems, which gradually lead to the weakening of the relationship between husband and wife, the breakdown of feelings, and even the appearance of extramarital affairs. If we understand each other's sexual concept before marriage, we can avoid many contradictions and conflicts in this regard.
The above issues involve four core aspects of intimate relationship, each of which can be a channel for you to understand whether the other person matches you. People who already have partners can also observe whether you are really suitable from the above aspects, and where differences are likely to arise. Try to discuss with each other and make appropriate adjustments to improve their relationship and enhance their feelings. If you find that the conflict is irreconcilable and the relationship is at an impasse, you can seek professional psychological counseling.
