Many men encounter the entanglement of a third party in an extramarital affair. They are unable to get rid of it and seek professional psychological counseling. In the case study of central reception, it was found that most of the very entangled and difficult to get rid of third parties suffered from borderline personality disorder.
So, how to save yourself if you stray? Today's focus is: what should I do if I encounter a junior with borderline personality disorder?
Before answering this question, let's take a look at a movie, What is borderline personality disorder?
In the thriller Fatal Attraction, Dan, a rich and powerful lawyer, has a happy family that everyone admires. His relationship with his wife Beth is stable and lasting, and his daughter Ellen is even more cute.
In a quiet life, he met Alix by chance. Compared with the gentle Beth, this enchanting, charming, full of game, passionate and unrestrained woman seemed more fresh to him. He could not resist this fatal temptation and indulged himself in his wife's absence.
He thought that this was just a small episode in life, so he didn't need to be serious, and even thought that ending this romance was like a soup to water. Unexpectedly, the female companion who had spent a happy night with him showed her true love for him. She not only conceived his child, but also built a family with him.
Dan wakes up like a dream and feels on pins and needles every day. He never thought about it, nor would he like to destroy the present happiness. He tried his best to get rid of her, only to irritate the "amorous" woman.
Alex is very sad about Dan's attempt to forget her and suffers from extreme love and hatred. In essence, Alex has a stubborn personality that transcends ordinary people. She wants to monopolize Dan and thinks that to get him, she must remove the obstacles between them - Dan's wife and children.
Alex began to constantly threaten and harass Dan and his family, inflicting harm on Dan's innocent wife and daughter, and gradually resorted to revenge, which became more and more cruel.
No matter how distraught Dan was at this time, he could not recover the pain and disaster brought to his loved ones by his one night romance.
At the beginning of the film, many audiences mistakenly regarded the role of Alex as "infatuated lover" and "love madman".
In fact, Alex has shown the characteristics of "borderline personality disorder" several times.
According to the definition of the latest version of DSM-IV-TR, the main symptoms of borderline personality disorder are as follows:
1. Crazy efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment.
2. The unstable and tense interpersonal relationship model is characterized by the transformation between the extremes of over idealization and negation of its value.
3. Identity disorder: self image or sense of self continues to be significantly unstable.
4. At least two aspects of impulsive behavior may lead to self harm.
5. Repeated suicidal behaviors, gestures, threats, or self injurious behaviors.
6. Due to excessive mood, it is easy to react, and the emotional performance is unstable.
7. Feeling empty for a long time.
8. Inappropriate and intense anger or uncontrollable anger.
9. Short term paranoid ideas related to stress or serious separation symptoms.
If 5 or more of the above 9 points are met, it can be diagnosed as borderline personality disorder.
Alex has obvious interpersonal barriers. She hovers between the desire to possess and the desire to destroy, wandering on the edge of destroying herself and others.
In the film, she became more and more aggressive because of anger. She cut her wrists when she said no, became pregnant when she said no, made crazy phone calls when she said no, deliberately broke into the man's house to make friends with his wife, directly boiled water to stew the man's children's pet rabbit when she said no, and graffiti the man's car style when she said no, After a word of disagreement, he went to pick up the man's children and went to the amusement park for a day. After a word of disagreement, he came to the man's wife with a knife
All these are caused by the sense of abandonment, which is also one of the characteristics of borderline personality disorder. Being abandoned or abandoned is one of the important causes of this obstacle, because they will define themselves through interpersonal relationships (such as "I am nothing without you"), and they are afraid of losing these relationships.
In the crisis caused by this fatal temptation, Dan and his wife fought with their common enemy one after another, and finally got rid of this abnormal madwoman, and defended their life and family. They were reconciled, and the family recovered its warmth and vitality.
This film profoundly reveals the horror of extramarital love. Women should respect themselves, while men should be disciplined.
Some netizens in Douban commented that all husbands are recommended to watch the anti derailment drama.
Art comes from life. In real life, many married men, like Dan, also enjoy temporary happiness. After a short period of love, they want to cut off their love, but they encounter a particularly difficult third party, endangering their families and children, and making themselves regretful.
If a man encounters a third person with borderline personality disorder and refuses to let go, how can he get rid of it?
Teacher Li Jianxue, an expert in extramarital psychology To assist:
It is not uncommon for people who have an extramarital affair in their life, encounter a third party's entanglement, and cannot escape from it, thus endangering their marriage, including women and men. How to get rid of this entanglement and not let the other party hurt himself and his family? Different situations require different ways of handling. The methods of getting rid of male lovers and female lovers are also different. How should men deal with lovers, especially those with borderline personality disorder?
1、 Don't let the other party get too deep
At the beginning, you may know that both parties or one party already has a family, and they are lucky, just want to play and experience something, such as a love, a passion, and so on. They do not want to enter into marriage with each other, and they know each other well. But slowly, with the deepening of the communication, the other party has paid physical and mental, time and energy, resulting in emotional attachment, high requirements for lovers, and expectations for marriage. At this time, men have some difficulties in quitting easily. At this time, many people found that they could not get rid of the other party, and the other party had begun to use some extreme behavior to entangle and threaten.
Therefore, in order to avoid this situation, first of all, don't let the other party get too deep in the early stage of an extramarital affair. Objectively speaking, once women put their body and mind into this relationship, it is not easy to let go of attachment, especially for people with borderline personality disorder, who will feel unable to live.
2、 Don't give too much commitment
If you do not intend to enter into marriage with the other party, or your own reality is unable to give the other party marriage, then you should not give the other party too much commitment, such as promise to divorce his wife, promise to marry her, promise to be responsible for her, etc. If too many promises cannot be made by oneself, the other party will take your promises seriously and have more expectations of you. People with borderline personality disorder often cling to these "promises" when you want to break up.
3、 Protect your privacy and that of your family
When two people are in a good relationship, nothing seems to be a problem, and people with borderline personality disorder also love to understand and save all your information. When there are cracks in the relationship and a breakup, if the other party has developed a sense of attachment and is unwilling to let go, entanglement and threats are inevitable. Therefore, when communicating with an extramarital partner, it is better to keep your privacy properly, not to give your family's basic information, contact information, etc. to the other party at will, so as to avoid the other party's adverse behavior to yourself and family.
4、 Breaking up needs to seize the opportunity
Breaking up is not a simple matter. People with borderline personality disorder can hardly bear the pain of being abandoned and are prone to extreme behavior. It is difficult to reason with each other, discuss right and wrong, and see the pros and cons. Previously, gentle and obedient women would become unreasonable, persistent, and obstinate. Some people would even threaten their lives, commit suicide and self harm, and threaten to hurt your family and your career.
Therefore, be careful about breaking up. When you want to break up, you'd better think it over, make up your mind and find the right time. What is the best time to break up? For example, when two people have a conflict, she is dissatisfied with you, and she threatens to break up, you can use this opportunity wisely to let her propose a break up, and you can do it logically... If there is no such opportunity in your current relationship, you can also use some methods to create opportunities according to the other party's personality characteristics.
Breaking up should be firm and decisive. Never be sloppy. The last time you go to bed and the last date are not allowed.
She will use your words and deeds in the past or now to accuse you of being a bad person who cheats and plays with her, and stimulate your guilt. The last thing you should do at this time is to argue that you are not bad, or that you are a good person, which will make you fall into a state of entanglement with her. What you need is to bear the sense of injustice and guilt brought by this villain's hat she gave you, ignore her, and make her this way of controlling you useless!
If she must threaten with death, you can inform her family and friends, or call the police if necessary, that is, do not go to see her. At this time, ruthlessness is true love, and your unfeeling can let her down. Otherwise, even if your hesitation, fear, and unwillingness let her see one percent hope for recovery, the marginal personality disorder will fantasize that it can be reconciled 100 percent and become more entangled!
5、 Moderate compensation
If you really hurt each other in your relationship, appropriate compensation is also needed. For example, if the other party has spent a lot of money on you, you need to return it to her; The other party has lost her job and livelihood because of you, so you need to compensate her; The other party has caused physical damage due to pregnancy, abortion, etc., which requires more compensation.
6、 The other party is entangled. You can't cut it off. Ask your wife for support and face it together
When the breakup agreement cannot be discussed, or the other party refuses to comply with the breakup agreement after it has been negotiated, you are still unable to cut it off. In this case, in order to reduce the impact and damage to the wife and family, I should take the initiative to communicate with her sincerely, truthfully tell her the situation, sincerely apologize, ask for her understanding, and then the husband and wife will face the problem together. This is much better than finding the wife directly.
Of course, before communicating with your wife about this matter, you may not want your wife to know that this matter has caused her harm, and hope that you can deal with it. But when there is no way to do, you can seek the help of marriage psychology experts. Under the guidance of experts, you can formulate a targeted plan according to the specific situation to quickly, effectively and thoroughly get rid of the entanglement of a third party.
7、 The best and most effective way to get rid of a mistress is not to cheat!
[This is an original article by Mr. Li Jianxue. The company reserves the right to investigate without permission.]
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