Companion magazine: After breaking up with my ex girlfriend for several months, I was depressed and not interested in anything

Media: Companion Magazine, April 2019, Issue 479 P27, Marriage Consulting Room

Experts in this issue: Tan Suyi, senior psychological consultant of Guangzhou Heartball Psychological Counseling Center, national second-class psychological consultant.

Xiao Zhang Consultation:

I haven't contacted my girlfriend for nearly 200 days. As time goes by, I feel more and more uncomfortable.

At that time, she proposed to break up, thinking that I was too cold to her and could not feel love, so I separated for a period of time to calm down. At the beginning, I felt no pain and no itching, living and working as usual. I will occasionally think of her, and also think of the contradiction that cannot be reconciled when two people are together, so I will give up the idea of looking for her.

About two months after breaking up, she inquired about my situation through her friends. I felt both happy and angry. She still cared about me, so let her care more about me. Therefore, I refrained from contacting her.

But one day I realized that I was going to lose her. When I tried to make it back, she was very indifferent, indicating that she was dead and didn't want to have any contact with me again.

I missed it, didn't cherish it when I should cherish it, and regretted it when I really lost it. For the next few months, I was depressed every day, and my mind was full of her. I was not interested in anything. Why am I like this?

Tan Suyi answers:

In the face of lovelorn, the reaction of the two sexes is different. Women tend to show pain and sadness, while men do not seem to have such a strong emotional response. In fact, they are just bad at expressing their feelings, and most men choose to suppress the painful feelings caused by lovelorn.

1. Men repress the pain of lovelorn, so that their emotions cannot be released for a long time.

Women may feel that if a man feels pain due to lovelorn, he should be drunk like the hero on TV, find the heroine and speak out his love.

The reality is that when faced with lovelorn, men's first reaction is: I will not let her know how painful I am.

Men will also be sad about their lost feelings and angry about the breakup, but they choose to suppress their true feelings and not let others see their vulnerable side, which also makes their emotions can not be released for a long time.

2. Introverted men are more likely to be immersed in pain

Introverted men are more passive and shy to express their feelings and ideas. In their intimate relationship with their lovers, they often feel uneasy, afraid that the other party doesn't really love them, and more obedient to the other party, so that the woman will mistakenly think that she "doesn't care about her" and "doesn't have much interest in her".

Most of the time, the woman wanted to break up in order to remind him that he could be more attentive and proactive. However, they withdrew. Finally, it led to the premature death of a relationship.

Afterwards, they blamed themselves for being abandoned because they were not good enough, and it was difficult to see the real reason for the breakup. At the same time, she will suspect that the woman really doesn't like herself, has a negative attitude towards her feelings, and seldom takes the initiative to make some positive actions to save her feelings.

3. There is relatively little power to seek social support, and it takes longer to release and see yourself clearly

After many women are lovelorn, they usually tell their grief and anger to people around them in various ways. The more she talks, the more her emotions can be released, and the faster she will ease.

Men are not accustomed to telling these people about their emotional troubles and pains, and mentioning their frustrations in this regard.

Men often just start to break up as if nothing had happened. Gradually, when they were nostalgic for the past intimacy and frankly faced their feelings, they had to admit that she was so important and just wanted her to return to them, but it was too late.

If you think you still love your girlfriend, you can ask a professional emotional counselor to help you see your love model, repair and restore the relationship, and improve your ability to manage relationships. More importantly, it is better to understand yourself first and give yourself some time and space to release the painful feelings of lovelorn.