Companion magazine: The husband is busy with work and the wife is full of complaints. How can we improve the marriage?

Media: Companion Magazine October 2019 Issue 485 P49 Marriage Consulting Room

Weihao Consulting:

My wife and I have been in love for four years and married for three years. We have a lovely daughter. When we were in love, we were very happy. After marriage, some changes have taken place. Now we are not so happy, and even often quarrel.

I work hard and am proud of my achievements in my career. I hope my efforts and achievements can be recognized by my wife.

However, this has become her constant complaint. She thinks I didn't work with her and didn't spend time with her. "Before we got married, we went to many places and did many things together." She said, "But now, you don't care about me at all. You always talk about being busy." I am puzzled. I do so much for our family, Why can't she understand me? I thought I was trying my best to give her happiness, but she gave me cold criticism. How can I make her happy?

　　 Tan Suyi, Senior Psychologist and Marriage Emotion Psychologist of Guangzhou Heartball Psychological Consultation Center Resolution:

From the experience of your relationship with your wife, we can see that your relationship has undergone the following changes: sweetness - change - quarrel - confusion. At present, both sides are in the painful stage of working around the family on the surface, but feeling the opposite.

As a husband, you want to give your family a better material foundation. You are giving in the most appropriate way you think, and you are eager for the recognition of the other party. However, your wife is dissatisfied with you. So, what is her need?

You can think about how the interaction between you is at your happy and sweet stage? How did you make her feel happy? Is your relationship distant or close? It can be seen from this that whether the love that the wife needs and the way to feel love are different from yours.

When you can spend time with her, pay attention to her, and work with her wholeheartedly, she will feel loved, realize the importance of herself in your heart, be satisfied in the intimate relationship, and give you more understanding. Otherwise, her heart will attack those things that occupy your time - your work and your social life. She doesn't really hate your work and your friends. What she is angry about is that she feels that you love her so little. "

In life, although some couples stay under the same roof every day, they just live very close. When the wife wanted to talk with her husband, the husband was sending WeChat messages. The wife did not feel that the two people's hearts were "together" because the husband's attention was not on his wife at the moment.

We spend a little time together for recreation. The message is that we pay attention to each other, like to be with each other, and enjoy the process of recreation together. This is the most important, and the activities involved are secondary. It is just a carrier to create such a beautiful experience. For example, when both parties play together, the focus is not on playing, but on spending time together.

Therefore, you may try to meet your wife's needs in the way she needs. It is not necessary to spend a lot of time and energy, such as not cooking one day, but to find a restaurant she likes to enjoy dinner; Or take the child for a walk with her after dinner, chatting while walking; Or travel to a nearby city on weekends. I believe that when she feels happy, what she responds to you is what you want.