Companion magazine: boyfriend's girlfriend: the white moonlight in his heart, the thorn in my heart

　 Media: Companion Magazine, April 2020, Issue 491, P45, Marriage Consulting Room

Experts in this issue: Li Xiuxin, psychologist of Guangzhou Heartball Psychological Consultation Center.

　　 Elina Consulting:

My boyfriend has a female friend. They are classmates in junior high school and senior high school. They were friends in different schools and cities when they were in college.

In her boyfriend's eyes, that girl is attractive and beautiful, with many advantages. He often mentioned her; We want to take her with us when we go shopping and watch movies; When she was ill, her boyfriend delivered meals in person; When she goes on a business trip, he even helps to book tickets and hotels. When three people are together, I can't even plug in. It seems that I am the light bulb. This made me very sad, and I couldn't help wondering if he liked her more, while I was just a spare tire. Sometimes I can't stand it. I say, "If you like her, you'd better stay with her", but my boyfriend thinks I'm being unreasonable and jealous

This made me feel very frustrated and wanted to break up, but my boyfriend said that he loved me very much and also guaranteed that they were just friends, so I trusted him. I also love my boyfriend and want to trust him, but I just feel bad and can't adjust well. For this reason, we often quarrel. What should I do?

　 Psychological consultant Mr. Li Xiuxin answer:

　　 1. The reason for the quarrel

Her boyfriend treats her well, which makes you feel neglected, ignored, and outclassed. You are jealous of their relationship, angry with him, unsure of yourself, and suspicious of their feelings. Although you try hard to believe that they are just friends on the rational level, the suspicion, anxiety, and anger in your heart have not disappeared, more like the intercepted flood that is imminent. At this time, quarreling, breaking up, and entanglement are common manifestations. But this is more of an emotional catharsis, which not only does not solve the problem, but also hurts your relationship with your boyfriend. After the event, you can't help blaming yourself and regretting, such a vicious circle.

　　 2. How to deal with her boyfriend's girlfriend

You can have multiple interpretations of your boyfriend's behavior.

If you think all the behaviors of your boyfriend are proving that this girl is special and expressing to her They may be together at any time when they love and like each other. Then you will be frustrated, frustrated, worried about losing your boyfriend, full of fear, sadness, anger and helplessness. This is a normal reaction, and it is inevitable that you can't control your emotions in reality.

But if the boyfriend just wants to share with you the interesting stories of his school days, I hope you can get along well with his friends; Maybe she has no friends except her boyfriend; Or she is not so attractive. She is lonely. When she is ill, she has no one to accompany her. She cannot find the person she likes... Their relationship mode has been established long before you fall in love with him. The boyfriend may have been used to taking care of her. Although he doesn't have much feeling for her, he is used to it, So in the same situation, they will show the same pattern - take care of her.

He and her relationship, you can not change, try to accept; If you want to continue your relationship with him You need to work hard to avoid your emotions affecting your relationship; You can try to become friends with her. On the one hand, it is helpful to know more about your boyfriend from her perspective. On the other hand, it can make her more deeply understand your existence and your role - you are his real girlfriend.

Most of the time, women are afraid of their boyfriends and girlfriends because they imagine a rival in love. But if you love him and don't want to leave him, you may as well believe that you are his best choice. First, do your own role, tell him your feelings, and negotiate with him, rather than worry alone.