Companion magazine: Why does she succeed in her career but feel so frustrated?

Media: Companion magazine, June 2021, Issue 505, P53, Marriage Consulting Room

Experts in this issue: Tan Suyi, a psychologist at Guangzhou Heartball Psychological Consultation Center, a national second-class psychologist.

Lin Lin Consultation:

I am 29 years old. I am a high quality graduate from a famous university. I am currently working as a department manager in a foreign company. In everyone's eyes, I am a successful woman with both talent and beauty, but this did not add to my emotional life.

My boyfriend and I have been in love for many years, and I have a straightforward personality. My experience in the workplace makes me prefer to control the overall situation and do everything according to my own ideas. However, he is introverted and belongs to the passive side in the love relationship. After graduating from college, he found a relatively free but low income job.

In the early stage of love, the two felt that their personalities were complementary and their feelings were good. My boyfriend often praises me as excellent and capable in front of relatives and friends. Unexpectedly, after getting along for a long time, contradictions began to emerge. Life trivia keeps us arguing. I think he has poor vision, no self determination, passivity and cowardice, so he should follow my ideas. He said that he was depressed and everything was under control. Recently, we have set a wedding date. During the stage of house purchase and decoration, there is a huge difference in their opinions, and the contradiction is rapidly intensified.

At first, my boyfriend chose to swallow his pride, but finally couldn't stand it. He began to accuse me of being overbearing and domineering. I was so angry that I slapped him in the face. Since then, both sides have been standing still.

The wedding invitations have been sent out, but I am very ambivalent. It has come to this point. Is it a break up or a recovery? Is he worth my persistence? What should I do?

　　 Tan Suyi, Senior Counselor and Marriage Counselor of Guangzhou Heartball Psychological Counseling Center Resolution:

The phenomenon of strong women in life is becoming more and more common, and Lin Lin is one of them. In the workplace, they are vigorous, independent and win praise, but this also tends to make women present this trait and way of doing in intimate relationships.

Perhaps at the beginning, the two people complement each other in personality, which seems to be conducive to living together to a certain extent. However, if such a strong weak partnership remains unchanged for a long time, gradually, it will be difficult for the inferior boyfriend to be tolerant and tolerant, and the woman will also despise each other from the bottom of her heart, thus breeding negative emotions, and the unbalanced relationship will break down.

It is not necessarily a bad thing that Linlin encountered a crisis of love before marriage. This allows them to really face and think about their intimate relationship, otherwise, even if they enter the marriage, other problems will arise.

Maybe Lin Lin will be confused: many times, it is clearly her own opinion that is better than others, but why is it her fault instead?

Such thinking is related to Lin Lin's experience, ability and social status. She pays attention to efficiency and pursues excellence in school and career. Following these principles has made Lin Lin an outstanding person. However, in marriage, if you want to be an excellent intimate relationship operator, what you need is not to be reasonable, to argue right and wrong, but to understand and tolerate.

Everyone hopes to be respected, understood and recognized in interpersonal relationships, especially intimate relationships, especially men. When Lin Lin's opinion was opposed, she was irritable because she felt the frustration of being denied and controlled. What's wrong with a boyfriend? Although his character is modest and his ability is limited, it does not mean that he does not have his own position and ideas, and he is also eager to be seen. Only a woman with shining points and tenderness can make men feel a strong sense of existence and belonging in the relationship.

At present, this relationship has a red light, reminding Linlin that she needs to start to be more aware of herself and examine her intimate relationship model. There is no perfect partner in the world. If you always judge each other with critical and dissatisfied eyes, you will undoubtedly get disappointment and anger. On the contrary, men will become excellent and powerful in the eyes of their partners.

When Lin Lin can actively explore and adjust, she believes that the crisis will turn into an opportunity. While her career is successful, love will also be happy.