Teenager Psychological Consultation: What can parents do when children are tired of school?

Introduction: I believe that for many parents, the most basic expectation for their children is to hope that they can study hard, and they often say to their children, "You don't need to do anything, you can just study hard." In the eyes of parents, "studying hard" is probably the most important and easiest thing for children to do; But in recent years, some parents will find that "studying hard" has become the most painful thing for children.

In Zhihu's question about children's weariness of school, some parents left messages below for help:

Y miss:

"My son just entered the first day of the junior high school this year, and he was in the key class of our local key junior high school. But these days, he suddenly got tired of learning. He didn't write his homework every day, copied his homework, and wanted to quit school. He either played games at home or stayed in his room without communicating with us. As soon as I talked about going to school, I lost my temper and said that his father and I were pushing him too hard. He was injured and tired of learning, so he became upset when he was asked to learn. I don't know what to do? "

W sir:

"My boy was in the first year of senior high school this year, and he began to be tired of studying in the third day of junior high school. He reluctantly went to school under the combination of hard and soft measures of my wife and I, and often had to ask for leave from school. After the high school entrance examination, his performance was good, so that my wife and I finally landed the big stone that had been hanging in our hearts. I thought that the children in senior high school would be better off. I only went there for the first three months, then I said I was not used to living in school and wanted to go home. Then I said it was difficult to get up early and I had to ask for a class leave every morning; Then he began to refuse to go to school. Ask him to go tomorrow, but the result is that yesterday pushes today, and today pushes tomorrow.

To be honest, as parents, we are exhausted and desperate. Now I really have no patience. It's a pity to want to give up completely. How did the child come to this point? Are we really going to give up? "

G ma'am:

"My daughter doesn't want to go to school today. What should I do? She's already in her second year of junior high ...... I don't know if I have fallen in love. The two monthly exams were the last one in the class. The teacher criticized me for affecting my self-esteem but didn't learn. It's a vicious circle. I didn't write my homework yesterday. I said I would not go to school today. It's no use trying to persuade me. What should I do? "

In these parents' stories, we can see that when there is a huge conflict between children's development and parents' expectations, Feelings of powerlessness spread between two generations 。 Children are tired of learning and refuse to learn, and parents are worried and anxious; It seems that everything in the family is a struggle or confrontation, and the child's status has not changed. In such a family, parents' carefulness and nervousness towards their children's future also make the whole family atmosphere full of tension, and no one can ease it. Children may be involved in games or the Internet and become "bad" children who are rebellious, tired of school and have Internet addiction in the eyes of their parents. It is also difficult for parents to get along easily. They put a lot of attention and energy into their children's problems and desperately hope that their children can return to "normal" status.

Studies have shown that school weariness is related to children's mental health, such as bipolar disorder or anxiety disorder. So, When children are tired of school, we should realize that what children are afraid of is not going to school, but all the tense thoughts or unpleasant experiences that will be connected with going to school. Understanding this may be a sudden point to improve the current state of children.

01 Reasons for children's weariness of school

In fact, children's weariness of school is only an external manifestation, which indicates that children's hearts may be experiencing various conflicts and contradictions. For example, parents always pay attention to the external performance of their children, but ignore the internal causes of problems. They often feel powerless and overwhelmed. At the same time, they lose the opportunity to understand the real difficulties and pains of their children, and miss the opportunity to help their children grow.

If you feel too much pressure in school or the school is an unsafe environment for children, then children will naturally resist going to school. For example, children suffer from negative events, bullying, exclusion or other stressful events in school, or difficulties that are difficult to overcome in school, which makes them fall into a state of learning helplessness and fear of going to school ......

Children's weariness of school needs to consider various comprehensive factors. Family problems may be part of children's unwillingness to go to school. The family is a whole. Family members interact with each other. The family's interactive style will also have an impact on children. If the relationship between members is too close, it is easy for children to rely too much on their families, unable to adapt to school, and isolated from the interaction with others.

02 Family life cycle has come to a new stage

It is believed that many parents of adolescent children have such a feeling that the change of children is almost a blink of an eye. Children are unwilling to cling to their parents and act coquettishly with them as before; Instead, he said coldly, "Stay away from me." He almost refused to chat with his parents and refused to play family games. Accustomed to the closeness between parents and children, sudden estrangement will amaze parents, and at the same time, there will be feelings of sadness, anxiety and self blame. These changes are actually reminding everyone that your family has entered a new stage.

After children enter adolescence, the function of the family system has also changed. The family unit has changed from a place to protect and raise children to a warm-up center for teenagers to step into adults' responsibility and commitment to the world. This means that as the core force of the family, parents should also learn to adjust the way of interaction with their children.

This transformation includes the physical maturity of teenagers, parents who have entered their forties, and grandparents who are about to age. Family members often need to reconsider their relationship, and couples need to discuss their marital status again.

At this point, Adolescent children may act as a catalyst, showing various symptoms to let the family system solve the problems in the new stage.

The husband in the TV play "Come on Mom" is a student in the second year of junior high. He is rebellious, his academic performance has seriously declined, and he is not sociable in school. He also refuses to communicate with his mother at home, and smokes. Even when the school teacher wants to invite parents, he hires a person on the Internet to act as his father. Just looking at his behavior, you may think that such a child is too rebellious. When we understand his growth experience, we may be able to understand his inner thoughts. My mother, Su Qing, and father, Li Xiuping, are busy working all day. My mother only cares about my children's academic achievements, while my father seldom cares about them. This pair of parents can be said to be completely absent from their children's growth experience, do not know their children's preferences, and seldom communicate with their children. In addition, Xiao Wen, the younger brother of my husband, has taken away most of the attention of his parents because he was weak and ill since childhood. I seldom feel the love of my parents. My family is always cold, and my heart is filled with anger and disappointment at my parents, full of pain and unhappiness.

So, Children's difficulties or problems such as school weariness, refusal to learn, or maladjustment are never absolutely children's individual psychological and behavioral problems, but the presentation of parent-child interaction imbalance, parents' personal issues, and even cost inheritance problems.

What can parents do for children who do not want to go to school?

School life is an important part of socialization after children step out of the family. Students not only learn the corresponding knowledge and skills, get along with classmates and teachers, deal with interpersonal relationships, various academic setbacks, and so on, all of which are crucial for adapting to the society. Therefore, parents should not only pay attention to it, but also simply and rudely attribute it to the rebellious period of children, who are fond of playing and not reading, and then exert various pressures on children. It is important to treat children's school weariness positively and reasonably.

First of all, in order to rule out that children's weariness of school is due to psychological barriers or physiological factors, it is best to make a systematic and professional assessment for children. This will also help parents understand their children's current situation more clearly and objectively, and find suitable solutions.

Secondly, if the parent-child relationship is tense and there is constant conflict, or the child has obvious emotional disorder and has excessive fear of going to school, parents can also consider professional psychological counseling and let professionals help. During consultation, the counselor will use various consultation skills to understand the real inner world of the child, find the crux of the problem, help the child slowly reduce the fear of going to school, stimulate the motivation of the child to go to school, and let the child return to school and participate in daily social interaction.

Finally, children's problems often reflect the problems of the whole family. From the perspective of the family, children's performance may have another explanation. At this time, family therapy is a very effective way to help the whole family adjust the interaction between members, so as to have a corresponding impact on children's psychology and behavior.

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