Companion magazine: How to make the desire to share the best fresh-keeping agent in feelings

Media: Companion magazine two hundred and two three year three Monthly total five twenty-six stage P twenty-eight Marriage Consulting Room

Experts in this issue Tan Suyi, psychologist of Guangzhou Heartball Psychological Counseling Center, national second-class psychologist.

Zhiwei consultation:

I thought that my relationship with my girlfriend could develop for a long time , because we are each other All felt Find the right person. But most Close girlfriend Yes, I have one Some dissatisfaction and complaints.

She is a person with a strong desire to share. When she first fell in love, she would always tell me what she was doing, Also Ask me what I'm doing. then We Feeling strong, I am also eager to share with her, So I can do anything about her Respond quickly one by one.

But I've been with my girlfriend for a long time , I thought we Two Relationship of compare Once stabilized hold Devoted to their own work and social life, no As before timely land Reply to her Information for ， There is nothing special and no more Take the initiative to find her. therefore ， girlfriend Think I I didn't attach importance to her before, and then I felt Loss, depression, and then Two The relationship between Questioned 。

In order to make her feel relieved and happy, I try my best to respond to her everything Not recognized And said I was perfunctory 。 I admit that I used to share and communicate with her in a relaxed state, and I also experienced the beauty of love. And then Because I was afraid that she would be unhappy, Misunderstanding my sincerity ， I And often for their own in love Show anxiety. I should how Interact with her to regain In love What about a relaxed and beautiful feeling?

Tan Suyi, senior consultant of Guangzhou Heartball Psychological Consultation Center Interpretation:

Sharing is an invitation to each other to let our partners know about our life. In the process of going back and forth, we can get to know each other more deeply, and understanding will give us a sense of security and intimacy.

The essence of sharing desire is the fusion of self expression desire and self-identity. We want others to understand us, meanwhile enter also Want to know what other people think about what we share, because it's important Of People's views can give us long-term satisfaction.

The desire to share between partners is not only a catalyst for the initial warming of love, but also a catalyst for love in the long years lasting Fresh-keeping agent.

In life, there are not so many earth shaking events, but more ordinary and trivial things. and stay Sharing can make these ordinary things shine. Because behind sharing, hide It's the other side full Of love. Because I like you and care about you, I am willing to show you what I have seen, heard, felt and thought.

At the same time, as important as sharing is the other party's response. A good response is to make the sharer feel reach Understanding and encouragement. If you want to To keep the desire for sharing alive, we need to respond positively.

Because most of the time, the sharing between partners is more about emotional sharing, and the shared emotions need to be received and positive Feedback, come and go, emotions are continuously seen cover Attention and desire to share will last forever. When sharing becomes a unilateral output, sharing gradually loses its meaning.

At this time, you must wonder why you responded, but the other party said it was perfunctory and didn't buy it? This is because you only replied, not responded positively.

For example, the other side said ： “ My boss criticized me today 。 ” You replied that ： “ Next time Just Don't make similar mistakes. ”

The other side said ： “ I have a cold and I'm not feeling well 。 ” You replied that ： ” Oh, you should drink more hot water to keep warm. ”

The other side said ： “ I ate a delicious cake today 。 ” You replied that ： “ I don't like sweet things very much. ”

……

this It's true that everything is respond , but this respond Don't let the other party feel their emotions and emotions Attach importance to Be understood. So, what is a positive and effective response? There are three elements that can make our partner feel our response to them:

1. Understanding: My other half understands my understanding of myself and what I value.

2. Affirmation: My other half respects my identity and my needs.

3. Care: my other half will actively support me and help me meet my needs.

How can we make our response have these three elements? Here are three small methods. I hope they can For you Helpful.

1、 Listen

Before a person can become a good responder, he must first be a good listener. Only after listening carefully can we understand what the other person thinks, what they value and what they need.

When a partner talks about his or her troubles, he or she does not need to give the so-called guidance or advice too soon, and more importantly, he or she should not judge at will. Instead, he or she should let the other person vent his or her uncomfortable feelings first, and have room to express his or her thoughts and feelings.

2、 Understanding

The understanding is that 、 Put yourself in the other person's shoes. own What is needed is not some ingenious plan, but hope Partners can own Stand together, clear own I also understand own Needs.

3、 Appreciation

This kind of appreciation doesn't always say you are great, it only makes the other party feel very fake ， I think you are performing. It is better to appreciate the uniqueness of the other party, the more specific the better ， Can make other party I think you really understand t she , really appreciate she ， this Is a positive recognition.

 This article is the original article of the center. Please indicate the source when reprinting it. If it is used without permission, the company reserves the right to investigate according to law.

Related reading:

Why did we, who used to be in tune, end up drifting away from each other?

Emotional counseling: if you don't realize this, intimacy is dangerous

Why do two people in an intimate relationship always hurt each other?

Emotional psychological consultation: where is your favorite place?

Emotional psychological consultation: how to face the negative emotions of the other party in an intimate relationship