Companion magazine: Confusion and fear in intimate relationships: do I have the ability to love? How to get love?

Media: Companion magazine two hundred and two two year six Monthly total five hundred and seventeen stage P twenty-four Marriage Consulting Room

Experts in this issue: Tan Suyi, Guangzhou Heartball Psychological Consultation Center Consultant, national second-class psychological consultant ， Guangdong Women's Federation Psychological consultant of "Rights Protection Service Station" 。

Quiet consultation :

This year At the age of 8, he is the eldest in the family. A younger brother has always quarreled with his parents since he was young. When I was less than two years old, my parents left me to my grandparents to work abroad. Since then, my parents and I have been together for a few years, and my grandparents, who have more boys than girls, have not been very interested in my granddaughter. In my memory, I always stay at home alone.

Only by studying hard and being clever and sensible can I get a compliment from adults occasionally. I have been working hard in this way. Even though I have worked for many years after graduation, I have no intention of falling in love. Now that I am old, the urging of my family and the eyes of my colleagues make me anxious. Although they have introduced many men to me, I always reflexively "Headache". Because the interaction with them is really boring, uninteresting and even causes my discomfort.

Maybe because I am introverted and not good at words, although I try my best to solve the problem, I often lose my energy after chatting once, which makes me feel empty. It's not that I have never met someone I like, but the other person has not shown a very positive attitude, and I can only let this relationship end passively.

I am also very confused about selling, one On the one hand, it is a very happy thing to yearn for beautiful love and share emotions and sorrows with others after all; On the other hand, after listening to the stories of the unfortunate wedding sister, I felt uneasy and afraid.

I sometimes wonder if I have low EQ or other problems. It's good to get along with friends, customers and colleagues, but when I think of establishing an intimate relationship with someone, I can't help feeling tired and withdrawn.

It's nice to see people around me fall in love, but why do I feel so hard? What should I do when I am eager and afraid of love?

Miss Tan Suyi unscramble :

Many people feel the same about the quiet situation. They are eager to find a happy partner and have a good love, but they don't know how to start, how to express, and lack of love skills and communication methods.

If we think that this type of girl is unable to fall in love because of lack of love skills or passive personality, then the problem is much simpler, because you can learn if you don't understand, and you can try to be active if you are passive. In fact, there are deep reasons behind it. They are in a "Love is powerless". What is the reason why Wenjing falls into such an experience?

It can be seen from her growing experience that as a child, she never received the attention and emotional support of her parents in time, and did not experience the feeling of love; At a young age, she is still a child, but she has not been taken good care of. Instead, she needs to observe adults.

I have never been loved, or I seldom feel loved. This cold experience was a wound she had not healed for many years. When she became an adult, she always felt empty in her heart. It was hard for her to feel true happiness, and it was hard for her heart to believe that she would get love.

This mentality is often associated with some of the most important things in life, such as security and trust Will someone love me in this world? Will others intentionally or unintentionally hurt or alienate me? Am I worth being loved? When can I meet someone who really loves me? If so, do I have the ability to establish a real long-term relationship with him?

"Love" is a kind of ability that needs to be learned. Only when children are well seen and nurtured can they develop such ability. Childhood was not loved and valued, and it was often difficult for her to acquire the ability to love others.

Therefore, when facing the intimate relationship, she felt at a loss, inferiority, depression, fear and withdrawal, did not know how to interact with her lover, and constantly felt frustrated. Many emotions in her heart have been triggered : Fear (fear of being hollowed out and dying despair); Anger (I hate my parents deeply. Am I not important enough and excellent enough, so my parents or other family members don't love me?); Unfair (Why don't I enjoy taking care of myself, and even if I pay, I won't get a return?)

In addition to not feeling the love of her parents for herself, she also did not feel the love between her parents and between her parents and her family. In order to avoid repeating such a bad experience, her subconscious has a deep defense against entering an intimate relationship.

So, how to break the situation and manage the intimate relationship?

Life is a journey. All the people and things we meet are to help us grow.

Although our parents didn't give us enough love, when we grow up, we have more awareness, conditions and abilities than our parents to guide our own life.

From now on, Wenjing can try to pay attention to, see, understand and accept his own feelings, repair and grow his own soul, absorb nutrients from people and things around him, and establish a new and healthier internal experience and interaction mode.

When she really cultivates herself, she has the ability to love and be loved, and no longer fears intimacy, she can really open her heart, and love and marriage will be as natural as flowers in full bloom and butterfly eyes!

 This article is the center Miss Tan Suyi The original article has been protected. Please indicate its source when reprinting. If it is used without permission, the company reserves the right to investigate according to law.

Related reading:

Why did we, who used to be in tune, end up drifting away from each other?

Emotional counseling: if you don't realize this, intimacy is dangerous

Why do two people in an intimate relationship always hurt each other?

Emotional psychological consultation: where is your favorite place?

Emotional psychological consultation: how to face the negative emotions of the other party in an intimate relationship