Companion magazine: Why do I feel inexplicable anxiety in my emotions

Media: Companion magazine two hundred and two three year ten Monthly total five thirty-three stage P thirty-six Marriage Consulting Room

Experts in this issue:

Xiaowei Consultation :

Recently, I fell in love and was in a sweet period. My friends teased me that I found a handsome and considerate man this time The "three good" boyfriend should seize the opportunity. While I was secretly happy, I also felt a little uneasy and worried: now my boyfriend and I like each other and he treats me very well, but I always worry that he is just a novelty. After the freshness period, he will no longer love me.

Sometimes when he returns news a little slowly or is late for an appointment, I feel frustrated and flustered. I wonder if he has changed and doesn't care so much about me when he pursues me. But when I was single, I had no problem eating or watching movies alone. Now, as long as he said he was busy with his work and didn't have time to accompany me, I would feel left out.

I also don't like this kind of self. I am nervous and anxious. Why do I become so insecure once I enter into a relationship? He is very kind to me, but I can't believe that we will last? What's more, I found that it was not only this relationship, but also my confusion in previous relationships. Is this all my problem? How can I settle down?

answer :

Maybe many people have had the experience of Xiaowei. Once they enter into an intimate relationship, they will start to feel anxious and worried about gains and losses, which is often a manifestation of their lack of internal security. Adequate sense of security in relationships means that we are relaxed and enjoy when we are with each other, can understand and communicate each other's feelings well, and can rely on and trust each other with ease.

The sense of security originates from childhood and is established in the interaction between children and parents. Parents give their children enough warmth, love and attention, so that children can feel and be sure that they are loved, and their sense of security begins to build. In a safe relationship, children can grow up spontaneously, explore freely, believe in their own abilities, and dare to accept challenges and difficulties from the outside world, rather than passively accept external stimuli. When you grow up, you will also behave safely, independently and confidently in love and marriage, believing that you can meet your partner's needs and that your partner loves you.

On the contrary, when parents are difficult to give their children enough attention and love, children cannot be sure that they are loved by their parents, and they think that they will be rejected and abandoned by their parents at any time, thus it is difficult to establish an internal sense of security. They will have a strong sense of crisis and loneliness in their hearts, which will keep them in anxiety and anxiety. It is difficult to have enough trust in others and the world, and it is also difficult to believe that they have the ability to grasp the present, to cope with various unknown situations and to solve various problems encountered.

Anxiety and anxiety always remain in the mind. After entering an intimate relationship, this feeling can easily be aroused and magnified infinitely, thus affecting the quality of the intimate relationship.

Therefore, in our relationship, we are not only difficult to reveal our true selves to our partners, but also unable to trust each other and the relationship from the bottom of our hearts. We are prone to fall into the mood of impatience, anxiety, and fear of gain and loss, resulting in internal friction, or even loss of ourselves, and unable to fully enjoy the happiness and sweetness brought by intimate relationships.

So, the inability to gain a sense of security in childhood doomed us to always experience this kind of insecurity in our feelings after adulthood?

The unsatisfied psychological needs in the past become part of our internal lack, so when we grow up, we expect the lack to be filled in our intimate relationship. When we enter into a relationship situation similar to the early experience, we will unconsciously return to the early coping mode, such as : In the past, we chose to please our parents, so we also chose to meet the expectations and requirements of our partners in intimate relationships to gain their love and attention; In the past, we chose to cry to get attention, so in intimate relationships, we need a partner's long-term company and timely response; In the past, we would choose to avoid problems and suppress our inner needs, so we buried ourselves deeply in intimate relationships and gave up once we felt insecure

These methods may have helped the weak to protect ourselves and survive. However, in today's intimate relationships, these methods have played a destructive role.

Therefore, if we can face the pain, fear, powerlessness and other emotions in the past experience, the subconscious will no longer need to use the past strategy to defend. Now we actually have more power and ability to regain a sense of security and rebuild a healthier intimate model. In this way, learning to examine, accept, and heal the inner self in the past after finding your own uneasiness in the intimate relationship can become an important opportunity for self growth and improvement. In this way, we can really enjoy the intimate relationship and establish a relaxed, harmonious and stable relationship with our partners.

 This article is Guangzhou Heartball Psychological Consultation Center Miss Tan Suyi The original article has been protected. Please indicate its source when reprinting. If it is used without permission, the company reserves the right to investigate according to law.

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