Guangzhou Daily. Community News: I don't want to sell things to my good friends, but it's hard to refuse. What should I do?

  　　 Media: Guangzhou Daily Conghua Community Daily, April 8, 2016, "A06 Health Neighborhood" column

Expert of this issue: Tan Suyi, a senior psychological consultant of Heartball Psychological Consultation Center and a national second-class psychological consultant[ Click to learn about Tan Suyi's professional background]

　　 Mrs. Zhao: A good friend is a salesman. He often sells things to me. I don't want to buy too much and it's hard to refuse. What should I do? It's not that I can't afford it. The key is that the things she sells are too expensive. I don't think they are worth it. She said she would give it to me if I didn't buy it, but could I ask for it for nothing? She also spends money to buy goods. What should I do?

　　 Guangzhou Heartball Psychological Consultation Tan Suyi, a senior psychological consultant of the Center and a national secondary psychological consultant:

Mrs. Zhao worried that rejection would hurt her friends and affect their friendship, so she wronged herself because of her friendship, or helped others, or gave hope to others, which led to constant entanglement. As a result, she brought more pressure on her psychology and economy. Do not refuse others. On the surface, it is to protect the relationship and not hurt the other party. In fact, it is more to maintain the good image of yourself as an "old man". However, this makes the other party have more expectations of you and become a "bad person" virtually.

Mrs. Zhao might as well examine whether she usually cares too much about other people's comments and opinions, and less about her own feelings and needs; Adjust the self-evaluation criteria, more self affirmation, so that you have more power to refuse; Learn the art of rejection. After understanding the other party's intentions, first express your gratitude for the other party's kindness, and frankly and clearly state the reasons you don't need. If the other party repeatedly pesters, gently and firmly refuse. The tone can be euphemism, but the attitude should be firm. In interpersonal relationships, proper rejection can not only gain the respect of the other party, but also let the other party know more about you, and the interaction between them will be easier and more comfortable. (Column host: Kuang Jiahui)