What should college students do if they are tired of learning? What if my daughter wants to quit school?

Jiarun, a sophomore, was leaving school, which surprised her mother, Ms. Fang. What made her mother even more difficult to understand was that she failed in four subjects. The daughter's attitude of abandoning school and being tired of school made her mother, Ms. Fang, aware of the seriousness of her daughter's problems, bring her daughter here to carry out psychological counseling 。

You should know that before Jiarun High School, she had always been a kind of "other people's child": she was smart, beautiful, lively, and had leadership ability. She has always been the top student in key middle schools. Her parents and teachers who know her all believe that she will be admitted to a key university, and that her life after graduation from university will be smooth.

However, sometimes life changes inadvertently. During the college entrance examination, she felt neither nervous nor excited. However, she failed in the exam - she could only go to an ordinary undergraduate school.

After the exam results came out, Jiarun did not cry or get upset. She accepted them calmly and began to prepare for re reading. But her mother, Ms. Fang, didn't think it was necessary to reread. She saw too many examples of rereading, and there was no better result on the whole, so she didn't want her daughter to waste another year.

Despite Jiarun's reluctance, she finally went to college according to her mother's arrangement. However, her character has changed dramatically: she is unwilling to contact her high school classmates, and has no contact with her college classmates, becoming independent and self closed; They are not active in school community activities and have no interest in anything; I listen to music in class, and I don't want to listen to the teacher or talk to the teacher. The students also became more and more estranged from her. Finally, she refused to attend classes. She spent all day lying in the dormitory chatting with strangers on the Internet. Her grades got worse and worse, and she didn't study hard for the exam.

　　 Qiu Yihuan, Director of Guangzhou Heartball Psychological Consultation Center Interpretation:

After the college entrance examination, Jiarun's various reactions were all to escape from the self denial in his heart.

Jiarun's calm and calm appearance after the college entrance examination actually suppressed her panic and frustration. In her heart, she had expected that her score would be worse, but she did not know how to face this fact, so she isolated her feelings and felt that she had no problems in the college entrance examination - neither nervous nor excited. She dared not explore the reasons for her failure in the exam, but could only hope for the future - to prove herself by doing well in the re examination.

This is a tragedy easily caused by modern education: in order to let children concentrate on their studies and enter a good university, families do not let their children participate in anything else but concentrate on their studies, so many children regard good grades as the only psychological pillar. Once this pillar collapses, the child's spiritual world will collapse.

It is no doubt that children with excellent academic performance want to be admitted to a good university, but some children have enough bearing capacity to bear the failure of college entrance examination alone Frustration and benefit from it. However, some children are very vulnerable to setbacks and cannot bear the blow of failure in the college entrance examination alone. What these children are afraid of is not failure itself, but being denied.

The reason why children are afraid of being denied is also closely related to their growth experience. In some family education, when the children get good grades, parents look up to the children very much, praise them, and give them various rewards; When a child's performance is poor, the parents look down upon the child very much, blame the child, and punish the child. From their own perspective, parents will feel that their motivation is good and they hope their children will have a better future.

Children will internalize their parents' evaluation of themselves: a good exam means "I am a useful person and a liked person", and a poor exam means "I am a useless person, my life is ruined, and there is no hope." In this way of education, children will think that the failure of the college entrance exam, the most critical step, means the ultimate negation of themselves.

No one is willing to face this ultimate negation. In order to avoid this negation, children often take the measure of closing themselves and not dealing with others.

Jiarun didn't want to contact her high school classmates again and tried to avoid all her acquaintances because she was afraid that others would laugh at her and hate others' sympathy.

She refused to associate with her college classmates because she felt that she should have gone to a higher level school and contacted people similar to her. Now her classmates "don't deserve to be friends".

She also looked down upon the university she went to, and felt that it was not a good school that she should go to.

She will hate and despise teachers, and feel that the quality and ability of teachers are not worthy of teaching themselves.

　　 Qiu Yihuan pointed out that, The relationship between people is mutual. When she shows contempt for her classmates, they can also feel that they are looked down upon by her, and they will also dislike her, so they unite to isolate her. This made her more disgusted with her classmates. Such a vicious circle made her relationship worse and worse, and she became more and more autistic.

These are actually the outward transfer of her inferiority complex. People who are very inferiority or self reproach will vent their accumulated bad emotions by criticizing others or blaming others.

After entering the university, everything Jiarun did was to escape from the self denial in his heart. But this self denial comes from her own heart, and will not disappear because she is picky and negates others. In the end, she had to escape to a completely closed state and never associate with anyone, so she would never be looked down upon again.

However, her self denial will not disappear because of her complete isolation, but will become more intense because of her complete isolation. Because in this state, she can no longer find others to blame, and her bad feelings become stronger as she accumulates. In this state, some people even have auditory hallucinations and delusions, hearing others say they are wrong, hearing others accuse themselves, or feeling that there is a person in their mind who has been talking and criticizing themselves, which has already gone through the early stage of schizophrenia.

　　 Hear it, counselor Qiu Yihuan Reminder: When a child cannot accept the fact that he or she failed in the college entrance examination, or entered a university that does not meet his or her expectations, parents or children need to rebuild their sense of value, frankly accept the fact that he or she failed in the college entrance examination, and truly and rationally choose a new path to live a better life, instead of closing themselves in self blame and regret and wasting time.