Companion magazine: How can a stressed partner have a "rechargeable" intimate relationship

Media: Companion magazine two hundred and two three year six Monthly total five twenty-nine stage P thirty-eight Marriage Consulting Room

Experts in this issue: Tan Suyi, psychologist of Guangzhou Heartball Psychological Consultation Center, national second-class psychologist ， Guangdong Women's Federation "Rights Protection Service Station" psychological consultant.

Consultation of Ms. Fangfang :

This year forty I am at the age of, and I have encountered a bottleneck period in my career. My work has already exhausted me. Every day when I return home with a tired body, there will also be various problems in my family life, such as my husband will complain about my various “ no ” When I get along with him, I will be impatient and easy to conflict with him.

When I saw the daily relationship between Cheng Liang and Yao Wei in the TV series The Lady's Character, I was filled with envy 。 When Yao Wei complains about her bad work, Cheng Liang will listen in silence, accompany her attentively, and do well at home ； When Cheng Liang is skeptical about the value of her work and is depressed, Yao Wei can also keenly feel her husband's negative emotions and give him hugs and encouragement. I see such comments : “ Holding two people together can offset many negative emotions, as if no matter how many national disasters will disappear. ”

such “ Charging relationship ”It's my dream after marriage. However, anxiety has become a common social phenomenon, and external pressure has almost consumed all the energy of the body: people seem to already I don't have much energy to manage intimate relationship. Therefore, I can't help thinking about how to change my relationship with my husband into What about "rechargeable" and nourishing ones?

Miss Tan Suyi answer :

Between partners "Rechargeable" relationship is different from the mutual consumption of each other's energy and the conflict based relationship. In this intimate mode, both parties will not consume their own energy, but can get energy from the relationship, eliminate the fatigue in work and life, and thus recover to a good state. It's like a battery that runs out of power outside, and when you get home, you can recharge it and then start again. So, how can we enter the "rechargeable" relationship?

If you are in a state of stress and burnout :

1、 Be frank about your feelings

In fact, this is easy to be ignored. Sometimes we always assume that our partner knows everything, so we will ask for space and understanding. However, in the eyes of your partner, you may feel that you have been left out inexplicably, especially for the partner who is more likely to be upset, and even have the fear of separation. Then there was the scene of collapse and madness "Don't tell me anything!" "Why can't you forgive me?"

On the contrary, if we can tell our partners about the recent stressful events we have faced in life and work, and talk about our emotional feelings, whether positive or negative, then the pressure can be gradually relieved. And in the process of expressing to our partners, we are also re focusing on our own hearts, becoming aware of our emotions, and rebuilding our sense of self.

We always think that we should talk about those good and positive feelings in our relationship, but in fact, it is each other's willingness to disclose their weak side that will really bring the relationship closer.

2、 Learn to withdraw moderately

In fact, our mental space is very limited. When it is occupied by pressure, anxiety and powerlessness, it is naturally difficult to allocate more space to our partners.

When we try to moderately withdraw from stressful events, we can have more positive interactions with our partners, so that we can really relax.

Just like Yao Wei and Cheng Liang, in the TV series "Women's Character", they can honestly talk about their pressure with each other, and they will also play some games at home that both parties are interested in. Even if they sit on the sofa and hug quietly, they can also get a good relaxation for each other "Charging".

If you find your partner in a state of stress and burnout :

1、 Learn to listen

When we perceive the pressure of our partner in our daily life, or when our partner expresses his or her recent troubles to us, we should not regard this as a personal matter of the other party, despise the pressure of the other party, nor take too much responsibility on ourselves, feeling that we need to take the responsibility to make our partner happy.

Everyone is an independent individual with their own abilities and responsibilities. Sometimes partners don't need much advice, but we just need to listen to each other's inner troubles. There is room to talk, which is a great support. Sometimes our partner will seek some advice, so we can also actively participate in helping each other cope with external pressure events.

2、 More nonverbal interactions

Sometimes, too much pressure and burnout will make people lose the desire to communicate, just like we are very tired after a day's work, and we just want to rest and don't want to talk when we get home.

At the moment, intensive communication may not be what the other party wants, but will make people feel more tired. On the contrary, some nonverbal interactions can bring more support and comfort, just like Yao Wei's open embrace of Cheng Liang, relaxing in the embrace and relieving pressure.

When we are in a downturn, if someone can accompany us, even silent support and encouragement can give us great strength.

In the era of easy internal friction and full of anxiety, I hope you can have a period of time that can let the tired mind rest "Low power" means that we can "charge".

 This article is the center Miss Tan Suyi Please indicate the source of the original article when it is reproduced. If it is used without permission, the company reserves the right to investigate according to law.

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