Companion magazine: How to do when couples always quarrel about housework

Media: Companion magazine two hundred and two three year twelve Monthly total five thirty-five stage P thirty-six Marriage Consulting Room

Experts in this issue: Chen Jie, a psychologist of Guangzhou Heartball Psychological Consultation Center, a national three-level psychological consultant, a member of Guangdong Psychological Society, and a member of the Professional Committee of Psychoanalysis.

Mr. Wu Consultation :

Me and wife Love and marriage Five years ago, I have been in good relationship. We are all only children son Female, the work is stable and busy, so when we first got married, the parents of both sides would rush to take care of us, trying to lighten our burden. But I have more contacts, contradiction It has also changed. My relationship with my parents in law is very noisy Stiff ， wife The relationship with my parents also plummeted.

So, in order to reduce less The friction with each other's parents decided not to let both parents come to live with us. But on the first day after both parents left, we had a fierce quarrel. In fact, the reason for the quarrel is very simple, just for a meal!

I don't understand why other people's wives are good wives and mothers, and they take care of the family affairs in good order, while my wife is so spoiled and pampered that she can't do housework at all, let alone prepare a meal.

Every time when it comes to doing housework, my wife is very angry and keeps shouting about unfairness. She says that both of us have jobs to support the family together. She has to do all the housework for me to share. I can't understand that my family has never had the tradition of letting men do housework. Why do men do housework? So we each sticks to his argument They didn't give in to each other. Every day, they went to a restaurant to solve the problem. It was a noisy year.

I am really fed up with such a day. I am very bored and distressed. My wife has the same feeling. I never thought that doing housework would be so difficult and inexperienced. I really don't know what to do?

Teacher Chen Jie answer:

Mr. Wu and his wife's problem seems to be The problem of "doing housework", however, is actually rooted in the difference of ideas between the two sides, as well as the communication and interaction between husband and wife in the face of each other's differences. More importantly, how do they adapt to the new marital life and get along with husband and wife after leaving their parents' care.

Both husband and wife are only children In "competing for care", it can also be seen from the side that both of them are inexperienced in independent life. In other words, they are inhibited and deprived of their ability to live independently and take care of themselves.

Therefore, in addition to differences in ideas, communication and adaptation, the lack of living ability is also the direction of mutual growth and progress of both husband and wife.

In Mr. Wu's opinion, housework seems to be the exclusive property of women. Of course, the same is true for the traditions of all ages. but The family structure and labor distribution of "men working outside and women working inside" also adapted to the social and cultural background at that time.

In modern society, equality between men and women is highly respected. In marriage, both husband and wife have their own careers and jobs. In terms of household distribution, they also follow the principle of common commitment and mutual help.

The difference between the couple's ideas is actually a microcosm of the conflict between old and new ideas. The best way to deal with such conflicts is to reach consensus and seek common ground while reserving differences on the basis of mutual understanding and effective communication.

The couple could not understand each other's ideas, perhaps because they opposed each other's ideas and were on the top of non right and wrong. However, this is not a question of right and wrong, but the change and adaptation of ideas brought about by the progress of the times.

After letting go of right and wrong and opposition, the two sides may be able to think together about why doing housework makes it so difficult for them to deal with and coordinate.

At this point, we might as well think that in our respective native families, we are the children who are taken care of and are used to being taken care of by our parents. So in our married life after adulthood, we still have the same idea. Do we want our partners to take care of themselves as parents take care of their children?

Are two adults with the same expectations really in a state of marriage?

The husband and wife have their own opinions and do not give way to each other. Why don't the two children not compromise on who plays the role of parents?

Marriage means that two adults live together. It means responsibilities and obligations, which need to be shared and operated together. Both future development and financial decisions need to be discussed together, and housework needs to be undertaken by each other.

Of course, after a hard day's work as a professional, he would like to return home with a hot meal and a mouthful of hot soup to soothe and breathe his tired heart.

When living with parents, it has become normal and even more common to get ready meals at home. Nowadays, the psychological imbalance caused by the gap in married life requires more time and strength to adjust and adapt.

Both the husband and the wife are only children, who have been properly taken care of by their parents since childhood, but also deprived of the ability to take care of themselves. In the future marriage life, the ability to live independently will also have room to exert after being separated from the care of parents, which will also become the direction for the couple to grow and progress together.

Perhaps, the practical problem of doing housework is just a part of your suppressed ability, and more parts will appear in the future. When you grow up alone, it is inevitable to be lonely. It is not a kind of luck to grow up together and accompany each other!

 This article is the center Teacher Chen Jie The original article has been protected. Please indicate its source when reprinting. If it is used without permission, the company reserves the right to investigate according to law.

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