Companion magazine: It is disappointment and neglect that make marriage emotion dissipate

Media: Companion magazine twenty twenty-three year seven Monthly total five hundred and thirty stage P fifty-two Marriage Consulting Room

Experts in this issue: Pan Liwen Guangzhou Heartball Psychological Consultation Center Psychological counselor, national second-class psychological counselor ， Member of Guangdong Psychological Society.

Mr. Zhang Consultation :

My wife and I went from acquaintance, love to marriage together already yes In 10 years, we have a 3-year-old child. My wife works more freely. Although I am busy, I am also successful in my career. Seen by outsiders come We are a happy family.

In the past six months, my work has changed and my workload has increased Has Twice as often, I often leave work late. When I get home, I am so tired that I just want to fall asleep. My wife can only do things at home. But recently my wife has been having a hard time with me. She can get angry at every little thing. Sometimes I don't know what I did wrong.

Two days ago, she quarreled with me again because I came home late. After we had a big quarrel, she packed up her things and went back to her parents' home overnight, leaving the children alone. I called her to go back to Mi, and she said she wanted to divorce me!

I really don't understand. I have paid so much for this family. Why would she divorce me for such a small thing? She was not like this before. Why has she become so unreasonable now? the moment Precarious How can I make up for a dangerous marriage?

Miss Pan Liwen answer :

There are always traces to follow when the couple's feelings fade in marriage. Many relationships collapse because of small things "No end", the original full of love gradually cooled down in disappointment, and finally disappeared.

Because of his busy work, Mr. Zhang consumed too much energy, so that he neglected family life. Gradually, he played with his children and chatted with his wife more and more frequently. There was less care and concern between husband and wife, more alienation and quarrel, and the warm and relaxed family atmosphere became more and more cold and depressing.

In the face of the crisis of marriage, Mr. Zhang might as well put himself in the other's shoes and find the reason first. When you want your wife to understand you because you are too tired from work, think about whether your wife is undertaking family affairs while working, and her hard work is not inferior to your own? Do you take your wife's efforts for granted, or even blame her for not doing her duty well and making a mountain out of a molehill? Think about whether you have cared about and considered your wife's feelings? When the wife expresses her needs and hopes her husband can understand, does she simply muddle through? Did you forget what you had promised your wife because you were too busy working? Do you say it again and again No change after "sorry"?

Perhaps it is these accumulated negative emotions in life that make the wife feel that she is not valued, and her husband doesn't put his words into his heart. Every time he has to wait until he is angry, he is willing to listen, which makes the wife feel that this marriage is tiresome, frustrated, frustrated, and lost confidence in maintaining.

Mr. Zhang should understand that equality and respect are the most important to maintain a long-term marriage relationship.

In the traditional social division of labor, women always take care of children, parents and elders for free and take care of daily life In fact, their contribution to the family is no less than that of men working outside, and their value is also worth seeing. But in real life, some husbands, influenced by traditional ideas, regard the wife's housework as a trivial matter and put their relationship on an unequal position, which is actually a denial and disrespect to women. Some husbands often complain that women become wordy and fussy after marriage

In fact, the husband did not understand the psychological motivation behind this behavior —— The wife is not unwilling to pay, but does not like her own pay to become so taken for granted, hoping that the husband can understand his own hard work, pay attention to his own pay Be seen and respected. In a marriage relationship, if one party's contribution is always not "seen" and mutual understanding is not available, it will affect the intimate relationship.

In addition to respect, understanding and understanding, happy marriage The "secret collection" also includes common growth, self reflection and effective communication. No matter which party wants to maintain the relationship for a long time, it needs to take the initiative to maintain and repair the small loopholes in the friction.

It is suggested that Mr. Zhang should consciously and emotionally perceive the fundamental problems in this marriage, be grateful for his wife's contribution to the family, change his previous practice of perfunctory work to appease others, and sincerely tell his wife "I'm sorry". I care about my wife's feelings, fulfill my commitments, and consciously share my responsibilities in the family. I believe that you and your wife have a deep emotional foundation. Through hard work, you will have the opportunity to repair the relationship and break the deadlock in communication, and eventually their marriage will move in a better direction.

 This article is the center Miss Pan Liwen The original article has been protected. Please indicate its source when reprinting. If it is used without permission, the company reserves the right to investigate according to law.

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