Companion magazine: "Widow style" with children, how to deal with novice mothers

Media: Companion magazine 20 twenty-three year nine Monthly total five hundred and thirty-two Period P thirty Marriage Consulting Room

Experts in this issue: Pan Liwen Psychological consultant of Guangzhou Heartball Psychological Consultation Center, national second-class psychological consultant ， Member of Guangdong Psychological Society.

Qiuqiu Consultation:

It is only half a month since the baby was born, and I am extremely disappointed with my husband. The previous love has become a constant quarrel.

The baby cried. He didn't know to go and have a look, nor would he pick it up , and I don't know whether the baby should change diapers or nurse... I have not recovered soon after caesarean section, but I have to endure pain to guide him how to take care of the baby. Seeing that he is clumsy and the baby is crying harder, I become more angry and blame him for not being able to He was considerate and couldn't help quarreling with him, while he simply avoided doing something else.

I had a great reaction to pregnancy since I was pregnant, and he was busy with his work and could not take care of me. I comforted myself at that time. After the birth of the child, he would have time to take care of our mother and son, but I did not expect that he did not know how to fulfill his obligations as a father and husband.

What my husband did really made me very angry and painful. What should I do?

Miss Pan Liwen answer:

With the birth of the child, the two person world has become a family of three, and the family roles of the wife and husband have also changed. For Qiu Qiu, a novice mother, she may feel nervous and panic in her heart. She needs not only physical rest, but also psychological support. These anxieties and pressures not only troubled Qiu Qiu, but also constantly spilled out in her relationship with her husband, affecting their intimate relationship. She very much expects her husband to understand her and respond to her needs in a timely manner.

In addition, the mood of the parturient is related to the changes of hormones in the body. Even ordinary little things are likely to make the parturient's mood unstable, bringing challenges to the relationship between husband and wife.

Qiuqiu can think from another angle. As a new father's husband, he also has a lot of pressure in his heart. He is also worried about all kinds of unexpected situations. He may have neglected his weak wife in his panic and had no time to maintain their relationship, which led to his inability to respond to his wife's urgent expectations in a timely manner, and he did not know how to appease his wife's emotions, but only chose to escape.

In fact, no matter how the family structure changes, the relationship between husband and wife is the core of marriage and family.

In some unfortunate marriages, people always say that children are maintaining marriage and family, but they ignore the most important and basic point - there is no husband and wife relationship established in the early stage and maintained continuously, no tolerance and understanding between husband and wife, and only children can connect the family.

In the family, a good husband and wife relationship will bring a good growth environment for children. Although novice parents have to face a lot of practical pressure, they still need to maintain good communication between them.

At the early stage of child feeding, both husband and wife's feelings towards each other have changed. For the husband, the wife is no longer gentle, tolerant and considerate, but is likely to be both "picky and arrogant" and "unreasonable"; For the wife, the husband is no longer tall and reliable, and is likely to become weak, timid, stupid, selfish, and unable to stand up.

What follows is the change of the interaction mode between two people in the relationship. At this time, the wife's bad mood is like a flood of water all over the sky. She feels painful, resentful, wronged, regretful, unwilling, and cold hearted. Therefore, she will become sensitive, irritable, or nagging and accusing. She feels that the more she gives, the less she receives. At this time, the husband is often unable to resist his wife's surging emotions. He subconsciously chooses to defend or even escape, whether to escape to work or just talk about children with his wife, or to be a "shake off shopkeeper" who is only responsible for providing financial support, not facing his wife and children, or facing the changed relationship.

On the contrary, if the husband can detect the changes in the relationship, understand the reasons for his wife's bad mood, adjust his relationship mode in time, pay attention to and face conflicts and contradictions directly, and build the cornerstone of the husband and wife alliance, a family of three can be effectively supported. A good husband and wife relationship can accommodate each other's true appearance, have the strength to withstand sudden pressure, and explore the root causes of problems.

At present, Qiuqiu can first adjust herself, more aware of the changes in the relationship between the two sides, more understanding of her husband's difficulties, and reduce her anxiety. If you find yourself in a marriage dilemma and unable to "break the situation", mutual understanding and effective communication will be an effective way for you to maintain your marriage and repair the relationship between husband and wife, as well as a manifestation of our responsibility for ourselves and our partners.

 This article is the center Miss Pan Liwen The original article has been protected. Please indicate its source when reprinting. If it is used without permission, the company reserves the right to investigate according to law.

Related reading:

Emotional counseling: if you don't realize this, intimacy is dangerous

What should I do if my partner refuses to do psychological counseling when there are problems in marriage?

When encountering marriage crisis, why do most women come for help?

Why can marital counseling help you?

Marriage repair, if my husband cheated, should I go to psychological counseling or emotional institutions? (I)

Marital psychological consultation: How to adjust the frequent mutual accusations in the relationship between husband and wife?

Marital counseling: "cold violence" in marriage is enough to drive a calm person crazy

Emotional psychological consultation: where is your favorite place?

Emotional psychological consultation: how to face the negative emotions of the other party in an intimate relationship